How can I short-circuit the time it gets to really know somebody?

Dive deep, fast.

Have you ever met somebody and all you could talk about was the weather, your job, their job, "how everybody is doing", or a number of other shallow interactions that do not get you to even remember the answers?

What is it that prevents us from jumping right in, with intensity and curiosity, in a way that makes us lean in, listen, and hang to every word?  Is it because we are not supposed to engage deeply with somebody we just met? Is it because we are concerned about stepping into meaningful feelings or sensibilities? Is it because they may take what we say the wrong way?  Or because they may get the wrong impression about us?

What would happen if we stop worrying about these things for a moment and jump right in into something like:

• What their views are about the meaning of life
• What their dreams are ... and what the greatest obstacles to overcome are
• Why their marriage or a certain relationship did not last ... what worked and did not work
• What events in their life meaningfully changed the course of everything
• What their greatest fears and joys are

Imagine how a conversation around these themes would develop. You probably are curious already so go ahead and try it ... and enjoy every bit of the deeper connections you will make.

How do you find a good balance in life?

The three-legged stool.

It is interesting how the best advise in life often comes in sets of 3.  A long time ago, as part of a workshop for busy professionals, somebody mentioned the 3-legged stool analogy as the key to a long, fruitful, and happy life.

The idea is that we should strive to balance our time and attention equally between work, family, and ourselves.  The idea that one third of our time should be spent on each of these elements to get best results seemed interesting.  Especially the third one: ourselves.

Spending time developing one's career and enjoying one's family make perfect sense.  The one that most people forget is the one about devoting time to ourselves - our aspirations, our interests, our happiness.   The idea of spending the same amount of time in our own development and enjoyment is what most successful people forget ... and it is an absolutely critical leg for a balanced life.

What is something you have always wanted to do, selfishly, but never felt you could? Why not? ... Is it time to try and observe the immediate balancing force it has on the other two legs of your three-legged stool - work and family?  It is never to late to get started : )

Why are there so many people suffering from anxiety these days?

Too much information.

We can see it all around us ... and it is getting worse.  People are consumed by their online connections more and more. The trend does not look good. People walking, waiting at a store, eating at a restaurant, driving ... all looking at their smartphones.   Why is it that we cannot resist these constant feeds?  Why are these devices so good at triggering the right hormones in our brain, at the right time, which turns us into addicts with no will to resist?

Once we are hooked, all we see is news about disasters from around the world, about politics at home, about impeding doom.  To make matters worse, we see our friends in social media having a great time every minute of every day ... allegedly.  Why are we so desperate to be plugged into all of this and forgetting about what we are doing?

Now imagine, just for a moment, a world where you do not really know what is going on in the world or with your friends for a whole week.  No access to smart phones, TVs, or newspapers.  What would you do with all the time you now have available?

Do you think your mind would suddenly calm down? Would you take the time to go sit on a bench at the park to watch people go by? Would you engage in longer conversations with the barista at your local coffee shop or with your neighbor or coworker?  Would you call a friend to go hang out just to talk and shoot the breeze?  Would you go see a play or a concert or go to a jazz club to just enjoy the music? ... and would you resist the urge to take pictures to let people you are not with know how much fun you are having?

Try it and see what you think ... just one week feed blackout.  The Italians have a great term for the art of being with yourself ... and enjoying it - Il Dolce Far Niente.