What defines the "culture" of a place?

The sum of its parts.

Have you ever noticed that certain countries seem to have different "personalities"? Have you noticed how different the personalities of people in France and Germany seem to be? What about Iceland and Mexico? How about with companies? Is the corporate "culture" at Goldman Sachs different than the one at Walmart? How about with schools? Is the collective personality of the University of Texas at Austin different than the one at Stanford?

So, what accounts for these personality/culture differences if each of the groups in the categories mentioned (countries, schools, companies) seem to have similar demographics - people, gender, age, educational backgrounds, etc. ?

Personality or "culture" is actually defined by the sum of its component parts (its individuals) - from the personality of a single individual, to that of a Club with 10 members, to that of a Company with 100 employees, to that of a University with 10,000 students, to that of a country with 10 million people.

When people talk about joining a group and seeking some sort of culture fit, they are actually onto something. Belonging to a group that matches your own personality and aspirations is a very positive experience. Belonging to a group that does not, is not very fun. The problem is that it takes time to get to know a group's culture. You cannot define what it is from a one day visit, or a day of interviews, or a 2 day vacation.

So, look around you. How do the cultures/personalities of the groups and subgroups that you are part of match your own? Are they a good fit? Are the groups influencing your own personality/culture in a positive or negative way? Do you need to fix or change something? If so, start today.

Is kissing an automatic invitation for more?

Absolutely not.

Have you noticed how the media (movies, TV, etc.) always shows a bedroom scene immediately after two people decide to kiss?

It is understandable how, for the sake of ratings and an interesting plot, you would follow that approach in a movie. However, this relentless portrayal of a simple act of kissing as an immediate, and implied, invitation to go all the way is spilling into real life. Why?

If going all the way is the utmost expression of love, then it is logical to think that in order to get there, you need to dedicate a lot of time to get to know the other person (including a lot of long and innocuous kissing sessions) before taking the next step. Right?

What is the best way to learn another language?

Full immersion.

Have you ever wondered why all those years of foreign language instruction seem to evaporate every time you want to use them? Languages are a remarkably complex undertaking (just like music) that require constant and prolonged practice.

Our brains are designed to learn based on trial and error and repetition/practice. The only way to eventually hard wire something as complex as a new language into our brains is to live it and experience it with everything we have. This means, we need to speak, think, write, dream, and hear it every minute of the day for a few months. Learning languages in a classroom only create temporary connections in our brain that tend to dissolve quickly if not constantly "experienced".

I personally can attest that I learned more in the first 2 months of full immersion that in 9 years of classroom instruction. I suspect that some of the theory and knowledge acquired during those 9 years, helped make the immersion process more efficient, but not until immersion was I able to understand and speak a foreign language fluently.

So, stop struggling. Make immersion (6 months minimum) part of your plan for truly learning a new language.

What is the best way to make difficult decisions?

With a cool head.

Have you heard the expression that "whoever gets angry first, loses"? Have you ever made a decision in the heat of the moment that seems crazy the next day once you have calmed down?

Anger and decision-making are an explosive combination.

So, when you feel that you are in a situation where you can feel yourself getting angry (e.g., somebody is saying something about you that is not true, somebody is criticizing your work, your intelligence, your body, your habits, your family, or your friends), immediately think about something else - disconnect yourself - do not let yourself be dragged into the trap. Do not be forced into making a decision or reacting when you are angry.

So how do you deal with it?

Once you have successfully detached yourself from being a participant and successfully become more of an observer, then you could try some of these examples that I have used in the past to buy myself some time:
1. "Let me think about what you just said and I will get back to you"
2. "Interesting perspective, how can I help"
3. "Let me find out what happened and I will let you know"

And, my favorite one ...
4. "So now that we are all in agreement that I screwed up, can we move on?"

How do you not let the news bring you down?

Ignore it.

Have you ever wondered why most of the things we hear or read in the news are about bad things? More importantly, why do people want to get a regular dose of that stuff? What happens to all the good things that are also happening in the world every day?

All this negativity can easily induce a sort of paralyzing paranoia.

The reality is that if you were to pay attention to these things and try to protect yourself to prevent any of this stuff from happening to you, you might as well stay home, close the door, and never leave.

So what is there to do?

First of all, stop the flow of bad things into your head - nobody needs that. The world out there is an amazing place waiting to be experienced and discovered first hand - not through the news. You will realize that people are good by nature and this realization alone will open up the possibilities ... just think about all the people you interacted with this week. Any murderers?

If I would have paid attention to the people that have told me not to go here or not to do that because of the news, I would have never ridden my motorcycle to places like Colombia, Vietnam, Morocco, or Nicaragua. I would have never had the opportunity to have dinner with the Zapatistas in Chiapas and discuss Indian rights with them, or be in a political demonstration with the Sandinistas in Nicaragua, or meet Fidel Castro in Cuba, or meet with the paramilitares in Colombia, or discuss recent events between China and Vietnam at their border.

If I would have listened to the news, I would have missed meeting some of the most interesting people in the world, seeing some of the most amazing places, and confirm that people all over the world are basically the same - we all want to live in peace, to love, to take care of our children and feed our families, to live with dignity, and to help others. It is just human nature.

So what if the news tell you that there is murder, rape, and violence? Are you going to spend your life worrying about how these things are going to eventually get you ..... or, are you going to step out, experience the world head on, and enjoy every minute of it?

I know what I prefer : )

How do you avoid developing a food obsession?

Limit the time you spend thinking about food.

The goal should be to only think about food 3 times a day - i.e., whenever you are sitting at a table having a well balanced/varied, regularly scheduled, and well proportioned meal.

Any other time, you should be busy doing other things: playing, studying, working, helping others, writing a book, enjoying friends, kissing somebody, or whatever.

Times in between meals should not be for thinking about food, or for snacking, or for worrying about diets, or for thinking about what is in what you already ate or what you will be eating next.

So, what about if you get hungry in between meals?......Just wait! Nobody dies from being hungry for an hour or so. Just finish what you are doing and eat a well balanced meal at its proper time. And, when you are finally eating a meal, try to stop thinking about what is in what you are eating or whether it is "good or bad for you". How about just enjoying it?

So, chill, live life, and forget about food a little.....it is way overrated.

How can countries best achieve sustained development?

Focus on assets and capabilities.

When countries align their efforts to take advantage of their strengths and capabilities (what they know how to do and what they do well) and their assets (what they already have), fast and sustained progress is possible.

Germany has applied their best-in-class engineering capabilities to become the manufacturer of choice for the most complex machines out there. Japan has applied their cultural affinity with quality to everything they do. The US takes advantage of its diversity and its ability to organize to create highly efficient and complex systems (e.g., capital markets, energy, etc.). China applies its great national pride and sense of history. India is applying its education system to create a workable knowledge economy. Mexico exploits its natural beauty to be one of the top 10 players in tourism in the world. Switzerland exploits its stability and neutrality in areas that favor those attributes like banking. The United Arab Emirates have exploited their oil revenues to create a true oasis in the dessert. Costa Rica recognized that their rain forests with their great biological diversity could be a source for development.

You would think that it should be simple for countries to go through a simple strategic planning process like this one and identify what they should focus on. The problem is that all this requires one key component that is often hard to find: Leadership.

What is in it for me when I help other people?

Don't worry about it.

Have you heard the expression "what goes around comes around"? Doing good things for people just because it is a nice thing to do is one of the most fulfilling actions a human being can take.

Don't worry about how, when, or whether all of your efforts for others will ever be rewarded. Just go with the flow. Trust that they will be. Maybe not today, tomorrow or the day after. But they will be eventually.

When you are nice to people, when you selflessly offer you help to people, when you make yourself available to people in need; you create an environment of goodwill and trust around you -- amazing things happen when these things are present.

Just try it.

What criteria is best to decide what to study in college?

Interest, ability, and marketability.

First, lets be clear that whatever you chose to study in college will definitely NOT define what you can and cannot do for the rest of your life.

Studying something that interests you is fun. Studying something that you have a natural ability for is also fun because it is easier. And, studying something that is marketable is great because with money you can really have a lot of fun!

So, does it all boil down to having fun. Sort of : )

Lets start by asking ourselves why we go to college in the first place. It is a reasonable assumption that this huge investment in time, money, and effort is, first and foremost, made to acquire some sort of marketable skills so we can make a living later on.

So what is all this advice about: pursue what makes you happy, do not commit too early, make sure you know exactly what you want, be a generalist, leave your options open, follow your dreams, etc. They are all nice aspirations but the reality is that the real world will hit you hard if you leave the “marketability” part out. Mainly because, unless you are somehow set for life economically, things cost money.

So, what should you do if you cannot make up your mind? Should you commit to studying something interesting and marketable even if you are not sure that is what you were put on this earth to do? Absolutely.

As your interests change and opportunities present themselves, you can adjust things as needed.
Here are a few things that people forget to tell us about:

• You do not have to do what you studied in college for the rest of your life
• If you do not like what you are doing, you can change it
• Life is long and you can relearn anything you want
• Enjoying your job/career is mostly about attitude
• And......if it all fails, you can always start your own business and design your dream job/career

So, don't sweat it. Commit to a marketable major. A useful one. One that you have an interest in and some ability for. Even if you are not sure.

Once you are out in the real world, you should be able to find the fun in everything you do. If you cannot, then change it. Life is too short to not do something you enjoy.

What is the best way to negotiate for something?

Develop a strong alternative and Set the stage.

Have you ever tried to figure out why some people are better at negotiating/bargaining than others? What is their secret? What gives them the confidence to get what they want?

It does not matter whether you are negotiating a raise, buying a car, or getting a job -- the better your alternative to a failed negotiation the better.

Think about these alternatives - which one makes you feel more confident:

• Trying to negotiate a raise when you do not have any other options or when you already have another job lined up that pays twice what you make?
• Buying a car when you already have a great price from another dealer or when you have no alternatives?

In fact, when negotiating, you should put as much effort in developing your alternatives as you do in developing your plan of action. The better your alternatives the more confident you will be in the negotiation!

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Also, sometimes it makes sense to set the stage for the negotiation because whoever is first in defining the desired outcome of the negotiation will force the discussion to start from that point.

For example, lets say you want a 30% discount on your new car and the dealer is probably only willing to give you 5%. If you are first in stating that your desired outcome is 30%, then the discussion will start at that point and the dealer will try to get you down from there. However, if the dealer is first, then the discussion will start at 5% and the burden will be on you to try to get him up to your desired 30%.

So, plant the stake first.......but be careful when you do not know what the other side is willing to give. Maybe this dealer was willing to give you a 50% discount and you just said 30% instead. Ooops : )

What would help move health care reform in the US forward?

I believe there are two key points that could significantly help the debate:

• Focusing more on benefits for people that already have insurance today (250 million) and not only on benefits for people that do not (50 million)
• Focusing on identifying and redirecting the funds that pay for the current, very-expensive, system (e.g., employer subsidies)

The current debate is polarizing the discussion largely due to its emphasis on the uninsured and how these changes will be paid with "new" money from a yet to be identified source (i.e., you and me).

The reality is that the US badly needs a wholesale change in its approach to health care. The problem is not only with the uninsured but also with the insured. Many insured people do not realize that they could lose everything at any moment with the current system:

• If they lose lose their job and their insurance and get sick
• If they develop a very expensive illness that hits the maximum out-of-pocket provisions in their current policies
• If they develop a pre-existing condition after becoming uninsured because of a job loss or financial hardship and are never able to get insured again
• If they are denied coverage for whatever reason the insurance company decides
• If they are forced to come up with too much out-of-pocket money for something they thought was covered but did not realize that 20% of a lot of money is still a lot of money.

In addition, under some sort of single payer system, what would happen with all the money employers currently spend in subsidizing medical insurance for their employees? Will they just save it.... and report higher profits? How about redirecting it somehow to help pay for the new system?

These days it seems that I am running into more and more people that are not able or do not want to get medical care because of lack of insurance or just because it is plain too expensive. How can this be happening in the richest country in the world? Shouldn't health care be more of a basic right and not some kind of luxury?

What is a simple way to understand US foreign policy?

Follow the money.

With some exceptions, US foreign policy is usually about protecting and furthering US commercial interests. US foreign policy becomes inconsistent when looked at from a humanitarian perspective - e.g., no intervention in genocides in Rwanda, Sudan, and Cambodia - or when looked at from a threat perspective - e.g., no intervention when nuclear capabilities were acquired by India, Pakistan, and Israel but strong interventions under the communist "domino effect" theory in Vietnam, Nicaragua, Korea, Chile, Cuba, etc.

Although, one could also argue that these humanitarian and threat responses are perfectly in line with the "follow the money" rule.

Some classic and recent examples of "follow the money" interventions include Guatemala to protect the United Fruit Company (1954), China to protect Taiwan (1958), Serbia/Kosovo to prevent larger impact in Europe (1999), Kuwait (1991) and Iraq (2003) to protect oil supplies, Panama to protect the canal (1989), etc.

Is this an oversimplification? Absolutely, but the point is that protecting economic interests explains US foreign policy best.

What else can be done to get out of the current recession?

Quadruple the price of gasoline.

What would happen if all of a sudden we taxed gasoline to the point of having to pay $10 or more per gallon? Would we just sit in dispair lamenting the good old days? Or, would we raise to the challenge, as we always do, and figure things out?

Our capitalist system loves a good opportunity when it smells one? The speed at which we are able to reallocate resources, innovate, and lead as a country is unmatched in the world. Our entrepreneurial spirit and our incredible reserves of private investment capital are incredible assets that enable this nimbleness.

So, what would happen if suddenly gasoline quadrupled in price? Everything would become more efficient, fast. More carpooling, bicycling, walking. More investments in clean technology - wind, ocean wave, geothermal, solar. More efficienct use of resources - LED technology, local food production with less transportation needs, use less-recycle more.

Would it really be that bad?....we could also use the extra taxes collected to pay for the bailout : )

What makes some people seem consistently luckier than others?

Attitude.

It is all about how you see things. When you boil it down to basics, you really only have two possible ways to process events in your life:

• Wonder why even in the worst of circumstances, somehow things seem to work out all right at the end?
• Wonder why all the bad things always happen to you?

So, if the airline loses your luggage, or you wreck your car, or you lose your wallet, or you flunk that test, or you do not get the promotion or raise -- the key is to approach all these as opportunities, not problems.

Lost luggage is an opportunity to buy new clothes; test flunked is an opportunity to really learn a subject you always wanted to learn well; no promotion or raise is an opportunity to find a better job or start your own business.

You can find the good on seemingly "unlucky" events or just dwell on the bad. What do you think will generate more "good luck" for you?

Ummm, this sounds a lot like the "power of positive thinking". Could it be? : )

Do guys feel funny about their girlfriend's old boyfriends?

Absolutely.

It seems like these days everybody is telling everybody to have as many boyfriends and girlfriends as possible and that nobody really cares. We tell ourselves that we are so mature about these things that all that matters is the now when it comes to a relationship. This is probably one of the great myths of today.

Have you ever noticed how many sitcom's make fun of how guys feel when their grilfriends start talking about their old boyfriends? It is usually not the other way around. Men are still very weird when it comes to these things - they still would love to be the only guy......especially when that one person starts to become special.

I still have not figure out where this comes from - biological or societal....but it is there.

How can you evaluate if your current love is good for the long run?

Look beyond the person.

Understand the environment they grew up in - their childhood, their family, their relationship with parents, friends, extended family - and try to figure out the "core principles" they could have developed because of these experiences.

Understand the good (e.g., a happy, stable childhood) and the bad (e.g., poverty, abuse). And remember that, our DNA defines who we really are and how we are inclined to process these experiences.

Looking at a person's extended world is an incredible predictor of who they are and/or who they will become. If you like what you see -- that is a good thing. Are there exceptions? Sometimes : )

What is the easiest way to become a millionaire?

Start your own business.

Have you ever wondered who owns all those big houses when you drive around town? How can there be so many people making that much money? What could all they possibly do for a living? Interestingly, the two most common answers are that they either are senior executives for large corporations or that they somehow inherited the money. The reality is that these two sub-groups actually comprise a very small fraction of the total.

Actually, most of these people are entrepreneurs. These are people that start, operate, grow, and/or sell their own businesses. Their businesses range from having a few dry cleaning stores or franchised restaurants, all the way to having software and/or multi-national manufacturing companyies. A lot of them make good regular income, others make their money when they sell their businesses.

It will take you 20-30 years to become a millionaire as an employee of a large corporation - assuming you are lucky enough and know how to play the corporate politics game. Most successful entrepreneurs become millionaires in around 5-10 years - with higher chances of getting there. Especially in the US, where hard work strongly correlates to success.

Unfortunately, not everybody has the right personality to become an entrepreneur. It requires risk taking, perseverance, hard work and a little bit of luck. You probably have heard that 80% of all new usinesses fail in the first 5 years. However, of the 20% that make it, 80% are businesses in industries that the entrepreneur has a lot of experience in.

So, a good approach is to learn an industry as an employee and then start a company that does things better, cheaper, and/or faster in the same field.

Everybody should try to be an entrepreneur at least once.....the experience is priceless.

What is the best way to avoid getting your feelings hurt?

Put things in perspective.


You probably have heard the saying that nobody can hurt you unless you let them. This is actually a very real and powerful idea. Hard to implement sometimes -- but when you do, you can really start taking control of these negative emotions.


So, how do you take control? Learn to "distance" yourself from the situation and always remember yourself - what is important to "you". Distancing refers to putting things in perspective (e.g., the health of a child vs. the situation in question). Remembering yourself refers to not letting others decide what is important to you. What other people think of you is really none of your business.


Distancing and remembering yourself have the effect of all of a sudden freeing you from the grip of negative emotions. You can then objectively observe what is happening and how you are being dragged into something against your will.


By the way, taking things less seriously also helps : )

What is the best way to figure out what to let children watch?

Start with enforcing MPAA ratings.

If we believe that our experiences have a strong influence in who we become and, if we believe that experience is required to properly process complex information (e.g., realistic and strong violence, sex, horror) then parents should make protecting their children's minds a top priority in today's media environment (TV, movies, CDs, DVDs, games, magazines).

Experienced minds are better equipped to clearly differentiate fantasy from reality and can more easily dismiss things that are not aligned with who they are or who they want to be. And, unfortunately, experience takes time to acquire - - our children more than anybody need time to develop it.

So, what is so wrong about not letting children/teenagers see PG-13 movies until they are 13? Or, not letting them see R-rated movies until they are 17? Is their development going to suffer or are they just going to be better prepared to process the information?

And, even as they cross these thresholds, we should instill in them the sense that they still need to constantly protect their minds by being very selective about what they choose to get exposed to.

Maturity/experience = better processing. Why rush it?

Is the eventual acceptance of same-sex relationships inevitable?

I think so.

It is interesting to see how, over the centuries, humankind has consistently moved towards accepting self-evident human principles. These principles often get clouded by the specific beliefs, politics, and economic interests of the people at the time -- however, in general, we are able to arrive at the right answer (sometimes taking hundreds of years) more often than not. We now often wonder how things that now seem unthinkable were perfectly normal at the time - slavery, gender inequality, inquisition, etc.

Sexual orientation is just one of these self-evident human principles. Sexual orientation is what it is, it is part of who we are, and nothing we do will make it go away...so why not just accept it.

Interestingly, I actually have had the opportunity to see how these "transitory" states are even possible. While growing up in Mexico, and before I had the opportunity to expand my own perspective of the world, I could not understand why the issue of indigenous rights (poverty, discrimination, marginalization) was even an issue. In my narrow view of the world, it was clear to me that they were indians and I was not, and therefore it was normal for them to be treated differently. Only until I was able to get out of that environment was I able to see what was happening. Realizing that we are all equal and deserving of the same opportunities was extremely liberating. These days, it is hard to beat the feeling of a hug from an indigenous person from Guatemala or Mexico.

So, how long will it take for sexual orientation to be accepted as a normal part of the human condition? Well, sometimes it takes hundreds of years for enlightened people to solve these type of issues.....I think this one will be cleared a lot faster.