How important are friends in influencing you?

Extremely important.

The environment we live in feeds our souls - friends, school, neighborhood, family, country, etc. Our DNA only helps us define how we manage what the environment throws at us. A great skill to have is to recognize this influence and control its effect on your soul.

If we think of our environment as a series of concentric circles around us, our friends and family represent the inner most ring and therefore the most influential. Their input gets transmitted to us the most directly and powerfully through heightened emotions, intellectual pursuits, and physical experiences. Have you ever noticed how a small circle of friends tends to like the same things? They dress alike, listen to similar music, like and dislike the same things? Imagine the power of this influence for the wrong things.

Beyond this inner circle we have the other circles in our lives - our neighborhood, our school, our city, the organizations we belong to, our country and its media, and the world and its current values.

So. take a moment and look at your inner circle of friends. Do you like what your see? Are these friends likely to have a positive influence in your life? If not, you know what to do : )

What is the best way to get somebody that you like to notice you?

Flirting.

Flirting only means that you think somebody is "interesting" and not that you are hopelessly in love and/or desperate. Flirting is harmless ... but useful. It is just a game to let the other person know that you may be willing to explore getting to know him/her better and see if there is really something there.

Flirting is especially useful with men. Men are a bit more clueless and they usually need more help to realize that somebody likes them. Once they know, they tend to focus and to start thinking about the possibilities. If all the necessary ingredients are there (chemistry, etc.) then the relationship is likely to move forward.

However, a skill that is very important to develop with all this flirting is to be able to quickly realize whether the subject of your flirting is interested in you or not. If not, just move on.

So, go drop some hints to that special person you like ... You never know how clueless they are : )

What is one of the most important traits of a leader?

To lead by example.

In addition to being intelligent, driven, courageous, competent and so many other important personal traits, leading by example is at the top of the list for me.

Leading by example has an incredibly disarming effect when faced with a tough situation, a challenging task, or simply fear or doubt. Showing the way when things get tough and letting others see that you are willing to do anything you ask of them is the true test of a leader.

And once you get things moving? Then you need to Inspire - where are you taking everybody?

Why do we take so many medications now?

Marketing and the media.

Have you noticed how many pharmaceutical ads there are in magazines, billboards, radio and TV? They are everywhere. As a category, it certainly seems the most prevalent. If you were to really pay attention to all of this, you would think the human race is going down the drain fast. That all of us are sick somehow. That there is something out there to help us and that we should never put up with any sort of discomfort whatsoever.

Overtime, we have developed the notion that we need to attack anything that our body or mind is trying to tell us naturally with some sort of immediate remedy. We are not supposed to feel anything out of the ordinary - no pain, no anxiety, no fever, no diarrhea, etc. Have we forgotten that our body, with proper care and maintenance, is built to last a long time with no medicines at all? What about the notion that our body is able to tell us what is wrong with it and in many instances repair itself.

Our bodies do need help sometimes. For this, we need to step back, take control and learn to discern when medicine is a good thing. Who does not love a nice antibiotic when needed? The closest thing to a miracle drug in my book. You take it, you fix the problem, and you are done.

Where did we learn that we are supposed to take pain killers for every little pain, or stuff to sleep better, or to not be sad, or for diarrhea, or when we are hyper, or, my favorite, because we have a leg that loves to dance under the table?

So, how about listening to your body a bit more, altering your behavior as your body indicates, and giving it a chance to heal itself?

Can you tell what a person is like by just looking at them?

I think so.

One of the most intriguing observations I have heard goes something like this: "... the jaw-line of a person reveals inheritance, the lips tell you what life has done to somebody, and the eyes reveal the emotions of the moment ...".

And, the more you observe a person the more you can match their physical characteristics, movements, and reactions to the patterns and experiences that you have developed and accumulated over your lifetime of interactions with people. This somewhat subconscious ability is what we call intuition, gut feel, ... or simply, je ne sais qua.

So, observe a little and see what you think.

How do you best overcome shyness?

Stop thinking about yourself so much.

Being shy or embarrassed is really about thinking too much about ourselves. It is paralyzing when all we do is think about what everybody around us is thinking of us instead of just doing things (e.g., how we dress, how we eat, our voice, our looks, our accent, the way we walk, the way we run, the way we laugh, etc.).

It is very liberating when you realize that most people are more worried about themselves than about you or what you do.

What about when you have to give a speech in front of a group of people. Relax, remember the audience is not there to pick on you or to criticize how you dress or how you speak. They are there to listen to what you have to say. Thinking about a time when you felt confident and relaxed may also help get your mind off of yourself.

What about when you want to meet that special person that you really like. Focus on them and not on you, be interested in them and what they do. Forget about how they are perceiving you ... they are probably more worried about how YOU are perceiving them anyway.

The point is to try to redirect the energy you spend worrying about yourself and focus it on the other person, the situation, the goal, the activity, etc. Trying to figure out how others are perceiving you is a futile exercise ... and it generates stress for something that you are making up in your head.

What about when things really go wrong? The easiest is to just make fun of yourself and of the situation instead of panicking. More importantly, don't dwell on it. People around you will forget about the whole thing way faster than you think. Remember, they have better things to worry about ... like themselves.

So now, go wild and have fun : )

What is the simplest thing we can do to help the environment?

Reduce consumption.

Understanding the impact on the world of our everyday "buying" decisions is a very good first step. When these seemingly disconnected decisions are aggregated for entire populations and/or markets, the impact becomes very significant.

Whenever you buy something ...

• Think about having to manufacture millions of that one item (that is usually the effect a market as large as the US has on most mass related products), ...
  
• then, think about the amount of raw materials that will be required and where they are coming from, ...
• the fuel/energy required to manufacture them, ...
  
• the fuel/energy required to transport them to millions of consumers like you all around, ...
• the space required to dispose of them when they are no longer useful

Worst of all, think about all those raw materials and all that energy gone forever ... and, the fact that the cycle has to start again for the next batch.

How many of these cycles do you think the earth can support from raw materials to land fill? Not many at the scales we are able to produce these days ... in the meantime, all trees in the Amazon, Russia, and Indonesia will disappear, all coal and oil will pollute everything we see with CO2, plastics, chemicals, etc.

So what is there to do? Easy. Reduce consumption.

And whenever you do buy something:

1. Be aware of where it comes from and its likely impact on the environment if you follow the cycle described above, or
2. Buy things that are locally produced, or
3. Buy something used instead.

What is the main source of stress?

Lack of control.

Stress is primarily created when you find yourself in a situation where you do not have enough control to drive a desired outcome.

Have you ever been asked at work to do something for which you do not have the necessary authority to make happen? How about when you are supposed to get something done for which you do not have enough time or simply you do not know how?

How about when you are made accountable for the success of a project but you are not given, or do not have, the authority to manage the assigned resources? Does this bring memories?

How about when you are studying for a test and you do not understand the subject matter? How about taking a test when you did not have time to study? Here is a good one. How about when you get to the room where your final test is supposed to be and you find out that the room is the wrong one? Now you are not only late for the test but you have no clue where the test really is. Are you sweating yet?

The best strategy to reduce stress is to recognize and avoid situations where:

• you do not have enough control to effect the desired outcome, or
  
• the situation is simply uncontrollable.

And, if you ever find yourself in a stressful situation - focus on gaining control as soon as possible.

More control .... less stress. Absolute control ..... no stress : )

What explains weight gain or loss best?

Food Quantity.

People say that controlling your weight is somewhat out of one's control. People are very good at finding excuses and uncontrollable factors to blame for their weight problems - metabolic rate, heredity, family habits, the weather, or that my dog makes me eat.

The reality is that mass cannot be created out of nothing. If you do not eat, you will lose weight. It does not matter how many uncontrollable factors are against you. You cannot gain 10 pounds from 1 pound of cup cakes. Just plain physics.

You may want to spend hours trying to analyze what you eat and eliminate fats, or carbohydrates, or sweets, or whatever so you can keep eating a lot ..... but if you eat a lot of anything, however filtered it is, you will still gain weight.

So, how about reducing quantities first? Then make sure that what you eat is well-balanced.

Too simple? : )

How do you know when someone you like is special?

Comfort.

Have you ever met somebody that you are physically attracted to that, at the same time, makes you feel like you have known them forever? Have you felt that instant comfort and trust that allows you to spend hours talking about all kinds of stuff effortlessly?

If so, this "comfort" is a great clue that you have met someone special.

Physically attracted and comfortable - nice combination, no?

What is the best way to learn something?

Trial and error.

Our brain is designed to be a learning machine. A machine that requires inputs from the outside world. The more and more frequent the inputs the better. The ultimate goal is to drive our machine to build the required circuitry to deem new knowledge as "learned" and "stored".

So, what is the easiest way to build these permanent circuits?

Have you noticed that sometimes you learn something and 5 minutes later is gone? How about something that you learned when you were young, like riding a bicycle, that is always there? What is the difference? Simply put, you built permanent circuits for one and not the other.

Repetition and making mistakes is key to building permanent knowledge ... but also understanding that our senses are the inputs that feed our brains to build these permanent circuits - seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, tasting, hurting, feeling, etc.

The more we try something and the more mistakes we make and the more senses we use, the faster the building of permanent circuits becomes.

So, if you want to truly learn something, persist and not be afraid to fail ... and if failing is part of learning ... might as well fail big ... it is more fun that way : )

What should our next step be in Afghanistan?

Downsize and restructure.

Staying in Afghanistan without a well defined, attainable, and tangible goal does not make sense. And, given our current economic situation, can we really afford it? If the overall justification for being there is to contain terrorism at its source, why are we also trying to rebuild a nation?

Is it because we think that once the nation is up and running, terrorism will disappear? Really? Do we think that the police and the army are going to be able to contain anything when corruption is so pervasive?

Besides, how do we know when we are "done" rebuilding and it is time to go? With the current approach, we could be there for the next 10 years or more.

How about if we replace what we are doing with a very focused capability instead? Reduce our forces from tens of thousands to a few hundred.

How could these be more effective? How about structuring this new capability to only be target-driven based on a strengthen intelligence gathering infrastructure. Their focus would be on a series of discrete, clearly defined, attainable, and finite missions. Let's get everybody else back home.

Just my opinion : )

What is the key to a long lasting relationship?

Expectations.

Love is an interesting thing. Today, it seems like everybody and everything tells us that finding ever lasting and passionate love is the ultimate goal. And, that what we feel from the beginning should remain constant throughout the relationship.

There is nothing wrong with the idea of ever lasting and passionate love, the problem is the notion that these "feelings" should remain constant from day one.

The reality is that love evolves and changes like anything else. A typical life cycle goes through attraction, passion, infatuation, warmth, admiration, respect, stability, companionship, friendship, caring, etc. The challenge is to be prepared and to understand these different stages as you go through them -- and not fall in the "it is just not the same as at the beginning" trap. It is not suppossed to be. Love develops, if given a chance, into something deeper, more stable, and more meaningful -- ultimately, into some sort of "subliminal" and "transcendental" well-being by just being next to the person you love.

So, manage your own expectations. Expect love to change and enjoy the ride. The end game is worth the journey.

What defines the "culture" of a place?

The sum of its parts.

Have you ever noticed that certain countries seem to have different "personalities"? Have you noticed how different the personalities of people in France and Germany seem to be? What about Iceland and Mexico? How about with companies? Is the corporate "culture" at Goldman Sachs different than the one at Walmart? How about with schools? Is the collective personality of the University of Texas at Austin different than the one at Stanford?

So, what accounts for these personality/culture differences if each of the groups in the categories mentioned (countries, schools, companies) seem to have similar demographics - people, gender, age, educational backgrounds, etc. ?

Personality or "culture" is actually defined by the sum of its component parts (its individuals) - from the personality of a single individual, to that of a Club with 10 members, to that of a Company with 100 employees, to that of a University with 10,000 students, to that of a country with 10 million people.

When people talk about joining a group and seeking some sort of culture fit, they are actually onto something. Belonging to a group that matches your own personality and aspirations is a very positive experience. Belonging to a group that does not, is not very fun. The problem is that it takes time to get to know a group's culture. You cannot define what it is from a one day visit, or a day of interviews, or a 2 day vacation.

So, look around you. How do the cultures/personalities of the groups and subgroups that you are part of match your own? Are they a good fit? Are the groups influencing your own personality/culture in a positive or negative way? Do you need to fix or change something? If so, start today.

Is kissing an automatic invitation for more?

Absolutely not.

Have you noticed how the media (movies, TV, etc.) always shows a bedroom scene immediately after two people decide to kiss?

It is understandable how, for the sake of ratings and an interesting plot, you would follow that approach in a movie. However, this relentless portrayal of a simple act of kissing as an immediate, and implied, invitation to go all the way is spilling into real life. Why?

If going all the way is the utmost expression of love, then it is logical to think that in order to get there, you need to dedicate a lot of time to get to know the other person (including a lot of long and innocuous kissing sessions) before taking the next step. Right?

What is the best way to learn another language?

Full immersion.

Have you ever wondered why all those years of foreign language instruction seem to evaporate every time you want to use them? Languages are a remarkably complex undertaking (just like music) that require constant and prolonged practice.

Our brains are designed to learn based on trial and error and repetition/practice. The only way to eventually hard wire something as complex as a new language into our brains is to live it and experience it with everything we have. This means, we need to speak, think, write, dream, and hear it every minute of the day for a few months. Learning languages in a classroom only create temporary connections in our brain that tend to dissolve quickly if not constantly "experienced".

I personally can attest that I learned more in the first 2 months of full immersion that in 9 years of classroom instruction. I suspect that some of the theory and knowledge acquired during those 9 years, helped make the immersion process more efficient, but not until immersion was I able to understand and speak a foreign language fluently.

So, stop struggling. Make immersion (6 months minimum) part of your plan for truly learning a new language.

What is the best way to make difficult decisions?

With a cool head.

Have you heard the expression that "whoever gets angry first, loses"? Have you ever made a decision in the heat of the moment that seems crazy the next day once you have calmed down?

Anger and decision-making are an explosive combination.

So, when you feel that you are in a situation where you can feel yourself getting angry (e.g., somebody is saying something about you that is not true, somebody is criticizing your work, your intelligence, your body, your habits, your family, or your friends), immediately think about something else - disconnect yourself - do not let yourself be dragged into the trap. Do not be forced into making a decision or reacting when you are angry.

So how do you deal with it?

Once you have successfully detached yourself from being a participant and successfully become more of an observer, then you could try some of these examples that I have used in the past to buy myself some time:
1. "Let me think about what you just said and I will get back to you"
2. "Interesting perspective, how can I help"
3. "Let me find out what happened and I will let you know"

And, my favorite one ...
4. "So now that we are all in agreement that I screwed up, can we move on?"

How do you not let the news bring you down?

Ignore it.

Have you ever wondered why most of the things we hear or read in the news are about bad things? More importantly, why do people want to get a regular dose of that stuff? What happens to all the good things that are also happening in the world every day?

All this negativity can easily induce a sort of paralyzing paranoia.

The reality is that if you were to pay attention to these things and try to protect yourself to prevent any of this stuff from happening to you, you might as well stay home, close the door, and never leave.

So what is there to do?

First of all, stop the flow of bad things into your head - nobody needs that. The world out there is an amazing place waiting to be experienced and discovered first hand - not through the news. You will realize that people are good by nature and this realization alone will open up the possibilities ... just think about all the people you interacted with this week. Any murderers?

If I would have paid attention to the people that have told me not to go here or not to do that because of the news, I would have never ridden my motorcycle to places like Colombia, Vietnam, Morocco, or Nicaragua. I would have never had the opportunity to have dinner with the Zapatistas in Chiapas and discuss Indian rights with them, or be in a political demonstration with the Sandinistas in Nicaragua, or meet Fidel Castro in Cuba, or meet with the paramilitares in Colombia, or discuss recent events between China and Vietnam at their border.

If I would have listened to the news, I would have missed meeting some of the most interesting people in the world, seeing some of the most amazing places, and confirm that people all over the world are basically the same - we all want to live in peace, to love, to take care of our children and feed our families, to live with dignity, and to help others. It is just human nature.

So what if the news tell you that there is murder, rape, and violence? Are you going to spend your life worrying about how these things are going to eventually get you ..... or, are you going to step out, experience the world head on, and enjoy every minute of it?

I know what I prefer : )

How do you avoid developing a food obsession?

Limit the time you spend thinking about food.

The goal should be to only think about food 3 times a day - i.e., whenever you are sitting at a table having a well balanced/varied, regularly scheduled, and well proportioned meal.

Any other time, you should be busy doing other things: playing, studying, working, helping others, writing a book, enjoying friends, kissing somebody, or whatever.

Times in between meals should not be for thinking about food, or for snacking, or for worrying about diets, or for thinking about what is in what you already ate or what you will be eating next.

So, what about if you get hungry in between meals?......Just wait! Nobody dies from being hungry for an hour or so. Just finish what you are doing and eat a well balanced meal at its proper time. And, when you are finally eating a meal, try to stop thinking about what is in what you are eating or whether it is "good or bad for you". How about just enjoying it?

So, chill, live life, and forget about food a little.....it is way overrated.

How can countries best achieve sustained development?

Focus on assets and capabilities.

When countries align their efforts to take advantage of their strengths and capabilities (what they know how to do and what they do well) and their assets (what they already have), fast and sustained progress is possible.

Germany has applied their best-in-class engineering capabilities to become the manufacturer of choice for the most complex machines out there. Japan has applied their cultural affinity with quality to everything they do. The US takes advantage of its diversity and its ability to organize to create highly efficient and complex systems (e.g., capital markets, energy, etc.). China applies its great national pride and sense of history. India is applying its education system to create a workable knowledge economy. Mexico exploits its natural beauty to be one of the top 10 players in tourism in the world. Switzerland exploits its stability and neutrality in areas that favor those attributes like banking. The United Arab Emirates have exploited their oil revenues to create a true oasis in the dessert. Costa Rica recognized that their rain forests with their great biological diversity could be a source for development.

You would think that it should be simple for countries to go through a simple strategic planning process like this one and identify what they should focus on. The problem is that all this requires one key component that is often hard to find: Leadership.